Anxiety and Moods!!!

I have been having the absolute worst anxiety and mood swings. The anxiety was so bad that I wanted to get away from my house get away from everything just go somewhere I don’t care where just need to get away. So my husband took the girls and me up to a cabin up in the U.P. I thought it would be perfect cause nobody would be around me and everyone was getting on my nerves really really bad. If only everyone would stop being so annoying them my “withdrawals” would not be so bad??? Well when we got to U.P. there and I had no phone service and nobody was around then I couldn’t stand to be alone with myself and I started panicking REALLY bad and it felt like the world was closing in on me and I couldn’t breath and my heart was racing SO fast and I felt  SO CLAUSTROPHOBIC, yes up there where I could be alone without anyone around me. I absolutely had to get back home where I felt safe.  My AMAZING husband packed everything up and we went home. So much for our 3 day mini vacation. I ruined that too so I started feeling guilty and that caused me more stress and anxiety. A few more days went by and the anxiety was not getting better. I remembered a thing I heard along time ago about Post acute withdrawal syndrome. I was sure that was what I had from the high amounts of pain medication I was taking for So many years. Plus is everyone would stop getting on my nerves then things would be just fine right???? I was sure there was nothing I could do and I was making myself look totally crazy on Facebook. So I decided I needed a intensive 8 week  inpatient treatment program. I remember calling this treatment center last winter once when I wanted to get off pain medicine. I didn’t go last winter cause the outpatient one doesn’t help with the initial onset withdrawals and I could not stay inpatient and be away from my family so I just kept using.  So I called them this morning and told them my story and how I have been clean for 9 weeks and he said if I am able to stay clean for 9 weeks then I should be okay with just a N/A meeting every week and Counseling. So at that point I decided if I can get off drugs and cigarettes and pop and sugar (although I did have a sweet treat today for the first time.) then I can control my moods.  I  was allowing satan to control my anxiety and my moods and I will NOT allow that anymore!! satan needs to realize he is messing with the wrong person.  Although I am a girl so I still get allowed a few moody moments here and there!! LOL

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