When God first healed me 8 weeks ago the first 6 weeks everything was PERFECT.  Then satan started relentlessly attacking me and although I did not use any substances I was still angry and VERY VERY Moody. I again began testing people’s love. Deep down I believe I knew what I was doing.  When things were going so good for that first 6 weeks it seemed like everyone wanted to be my friend and hang out, I was awesome, and blah blah blah.  Then when things were not going right for me I tested people. I lost several friends who I had thought were real true friends.  As much as it hurts, it makes me realize how BLESSED I am!!  It also makes me realize all the times I blocked Jesus out of my life when I wanted to live “my way”.  My husband is A VERY wise forgiving person. Imagine marrying a woman who you had just met because God told you to do so, and even after God told you “IT WOULD BE HARD” and all these people are warning you not to marry her. Whenever I would do something my husband would not approve of he would forgive me and say “What am I going to do with you? I guess I will just have to Love you some more.” My husband AMAZES me, he has NEVER raised his voice at me or anything. He has forgiven people for stuff that MOST people would never be able let let go of.  It is all making sense to me now. We expect grace to be given to us with no expectations but when we are expected to give grace it is not as easy. I am SO guilty of this!!  I am not perfect and never will be until I am in Heaven.  I am sure I will have days when I feel moody but I know that Jesus will forgive me.  I will never go back to substances so I am learning how to deal with my moods in a healthy way, it takes time.  I am so Thankful for the friends I have that have shown me grace and especially God’s grace and then my husband’s grace.  It is a whole new journey for me it can be exciting at times and scary at times but everyday is a new beginning and when I wake up everyday knowing I made it another day sober I feel BLESSED.  It is not about the people that can’t deal with me, it is how I deal with myself and others that is what I am responsible for.  Not everybody in this world is going to be best friends on facebook and go to the mall together, although I do hope everyone is in Heaven together.