I have a right to share my story. It is my life my book and every chapter is my own! I will not us any names but I will share my whole story!! I have experienced so much rejection in my life and I expect NO sympathy actually sympathy tends to annoy me. I believe what happened to me at Urgent Care last week was allowed by God to help me work through all my past rejection and times of being told to “LEAVE NOW!”

I have a problem with getting to attached to people!! God wants us to be attached to Him First!! When I was 21 I was living with a family from a church I was attending at the time. I thought they were the “COOLEST” family ever I wanted to live with them forever. They all got along great and I felt so peaceful when I was living there it was a this is to good to be true thing. Well I guess subconscious thinking got the better of me because I thought if they knew everything I have been through in my life they wont make me leave and I unknowingly tried to get them to feel sorry for me. Then they decided they would adopt me. I was ecstatic!!! So I kept trying to feel sorry for myself (which now annoys me bad like I said!!) so they would feel sorry for me. Well I could sense that deep down most of the family did not truly like me so I figured it was time for the real test. I have had a problem in my life with testing people’s love. It was just a problem I had it had nothing to do with if someone loved me or not. One day I went out with my “party” friends and obviously when I returned I smelled like pot. Although I did not smoke pot that day they decided they just could not deal with me anymore and they called a meeting with my Mom and I was asked to get my stuff and leave right away. I was DEVASTATED!! My heart hardened that night I became SO bitter and live went down hill from that night on with me TESTING EVERYONE’S Love when I should of just turned to God well I didn’t. I turned to drinking from the minute I woke up until I passed out then I woke up and drank more. A was able to hold a few jobs here and there for a few years but eventually I ended up in the hospital because I wanted nothing more than to just die. I would still go to church every Sunday because deep down I was looking for Love somewhere. I would even take my alcohol to church with me. One day the Pastor came and sat next to me for a second. He did not say anything to me he just “accidentally”   spilled my alcohol then left and obviously told off by the “counselor” for drinking at church it was not out of Love either. I met many men during this time as I was still looking for “Love” SOMEONE had to Love me, right?!?!?! Well eventually I met and married this guy and that was hell! I was sick and a addict and it was going to take a very special person to ever really Love ME!! During this marriage I began cutting myself SO deep that I would have to get stitches on a weekly basis. He had his addictions and it was just a bomb waiting to go off!! There was one night when I walked away from a wedding we were attending because we had a fight and I was very drunk and I had a razor blade. I was found by a nurse in downtown Traverse City I was unconscious because I had cut myself so deep and I was really drunk. I was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Talk about embarrassing!!! I had a AWESOME Christian counselor by this point in my life and she came to the Hospital that night. Eventually that marriage ended with him and his family telling me to “JUST LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK!!” He only married me because “he thought I was pretty”.  I got really sick after this and I lost SO much weight I was 5′ 7″ and I weighed 104 pounds!! What was the point of living!!! Well like I said I had a great Christian Counselor and she never gave up on me she prayed over me every week and I know my Mom was praying for me every day. I know they were both praying for me to find a true Godly Man!! Well I met men right after he kicked me out. Then I met the MOST AMAZING GODLY MAN!!! He has NEVER given up on me. God is the Center of his life!! Right now I am not going to share how satan tried to stop this marriage from happening but you can bet I am going to Share it all because it is MY life my story and my book!!! My best advice right now is have NO expectations in people ONLY in God!!! I would not be where I am today in my life if it was not for God and Prayer.